I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Wikipedia
Joshua Harris, the Christian pastor and author who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye as a teenager and launched a mini-revolution of young. 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' author: How and why I've rethought dating and purity culture. Joshua Harris, Opinion contributor Published a.m. I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a book by Joshua Harris. The book focuses on Harris' disenchantment with the contemporary secular dating scene, and offers.
But twenty years later, I regret that I failed to carefully engage with criticisms of my book. So why am I doing it now?
'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' author admits he got it wrong | Christian News on Christian Today
There are many factors but three reasons stand out. I started listening to hurting people in my own church. The gathering came about following a sermon I had preached from 1 Peter 5: So we held a series of meetings in my house where people could gather together and tell their stories.
As I listened to those stories I began to see a new side of church life. Ever since I had come to the church I had been a leader of one kind or another.
I was the one speaking. I was the author of books. I was an advocate of the church and our values. But as I sat there listening I realized how different the experience of the average person could be.
I heard how values could be applied in graceless ways. And I knew it was true because I saw that mindset in my own life. My eyes were opened to the fact that in a church culture even well-intentioned practices and godly values can be applied in a way that deeply hurt people.
That was the beginning of a dawning realization that my own book could contribute to this kind of unhealthy culture in a family or in a church community. I became a student. Studying church history helped me see that every generation of Christians has blind spots and makes mistakes.
Why should we be surprised that we will need to reevaluate? Then fellow students began to graciously share ways my writing had negatively affected their approach to relationships.
One conversation with a fellow student was with a woman named Jessica Van Der Wyngaard. The homeschooled wunderkind who first made a bang with his New Attitude magazine, triggered a full-out explosion with his debut book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' author admits he got it wrong
It went on to sell over a million copies and to impact countless lives and relationships. Sponsor Become a Patron But twenty years have passed and a lot has changed since then. Josh got married, began a family, pastored a megachurch, endured some gruelling trials, moved to Vancouver, and pursued graduate studies.
And along the way he began to re-evaluate I Kissed Dating Goodbye and its two sequels. He began to grow concerned that his book, though well-intentioned, had caused as much harm as good. He began to wonder if what he espoused there was wise and, of even greater concern, biblical.
He mapped out a journey or project in which he would listen to people who had been impacted by his work to learn how it had influenced them. He begins by describing some of the recent blowback against the book—mostly people taking advantage of social media to describe how it had negatively impacted them.
He sets up Skype calls with a whole list of people to hear their concerns and gather information about how they had benefited or suffered because of his books and the wider purity and courtship movements. And then he sets out on a journey around North America to speak to a variety of people who were damaged by his book and had spoken against it.
I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Tim Challies
There are lots of stories to be told and lots of critiques to be offered. What does he conclude along the way? Some of his conclusions are interesting, though, in retrospect, kind of obvious. The book subtly elevated marriage as an ideal state and singleness as something unfortunate and undesirable—a temporary state God meant to resolve. They also spoke of purity as a binary state that depended entirely on virginity. Virgins were pure and those who had lost their virginity or had it stolen from them were impure.
3 Reasons I’m Reevaluating I Kissed Dating Goodbye – By Joshua Harris
And who would want to marry an impure person? The old enemy legalism—salvation or sanctification by manmade rules—was not far behind. In this case, courtship was elevated as the mark of godly people while dating was denounced as the mark of ungodly or apathetic people.