I'm dating the barking spider. - flatulence farting | Ask MetaFilter
I've been dating this new guy for a month (I'm a girl) and we're totally nuts about each other. My problem - he's farted every time I've been out. Thirty-year-old Emma Frost has opened up about how her flagrant flatulence stopped her going on dates and, ultimately, finding love. Suffering. Anyone who has been in a relationship has been there: You've been dating for a while, everything's going smoothly, you're talking about.
It's time for the Best Post Contest! Vote by Fantastic flag! Create a category, make a post, join the fun! I'm dating the barking spider. July 29, 1: I've been dating this new guy for a month I'm a girl and we're totally nuts about each other.
- My attractive wife farts too much: Ellie
- Here's When It's OK to Start Openly Farting in a Relationship
My problem - he's farted every time I've been out with him. Restaurants, movie theatres, concerts, soccer games, everywhere. They're not little amusing farts, but loud, long, malodourous farts. He and I both pretend like nothing's happened, which is hard for me because everyone around us is acting otherwise. Now when I go out with him I'm consumed with anxiety, wondering when he's going to let one loose. My attraction to him is waning.
The last few times I went out with him I was overcome with revulsion and it made me sad because I like him so much. I've been hoping his positive qualities, of which there are many, might eventually outweigh my revulsion but it isn't happening.
Am I being shallow? Is this not a big deal?
Farting Is Actually Good For Your Relationship
Do I say something? I've had flatulent boyfriends in the past and I was fine with it but they weren't obvious about it until after we'd been dating for a while. This is an absolutely serious question. I'm not a troll, I'm just this girl and I'm bummed out.
Confront him as gently as you can. You might want to find a way to inquire while causing the least embarrassment for him, in case it's something he can't help. When you do so, don't laugh to try to lighten the mood. You don't want him to think that you think it's a funny, quirky thing. Maybe he has a GI problem, so be sensitive. If they're that obvious, he must know you can hear them too.
Maybe it's a medical thing. Or maybe he really don't know about Gas-X. Maybe he's just really comfortable with his bodily functions and doesn't think it's a big deal. I don't think you're being shallow, but there might be some really good reason that you don't know about. If you're that crazy about him, you owe it both of you to figure out what it might be before breaking up with him.
If he's like that at home then he might feel it's important that he not pretend that he's not. I think it's a good idea to not try to put up a facade while dating, only to surprise your partner later on. I also, however, don't think it's ok to let loose in a public place, at least without blaming someone else.
Well, at least everyone tried really f'n hard to not fart in front of everybody. It just wasn't an issue. Then my mother started dating a man that eventually became my step-father. And this guy and his sons had a completely different take on bodily functions. Not only was farting glorious, he left the bathroom door open while taking a dump. I mean, you could hear the sounds, take in the grunts, and see the toes curling from exertion Somehow, my mother ignored all of this or appeared to ignore it.
I look back on it now and realize that my year-old self was taken on an extended ride through the Twilight Zone. I'm happy to be long gone from all that. Over little things do big relationships trip and fall.
Don't give him any variation of the "it's not you, it's me" speech. At least acknowledge it though, and if it bothers you talk to him about it.
New study says most couples fart in front of each other after nine months of dating
If it is a valid medical condition, I believe there are ways to treat it. I think this is the key statement here. Your attraction to someone you've been dating for a month is waning. This is normal, and might have happened even if he weren't a frequent farter. Give it time and see what happens- you might get over it, or the whole thing might already be sunk and if it is, you shouldn't feel bad about it- it happens. If I had had a problem with uncontrollable farting in the early stages of dating, I would have been too humiliated to go out on dates.
I think you should raise it with him. He may be someone who doesn't think farts are a big deal, and that it's more comfortable to expel them rather than hold them in.
How to overcome a fart on a first date
Yeah, as uncomfortable as it might be, I think you just have to talk to him about it. If he actually farts that often, it sounds like he might need to adjust his diet or reconsider some aspects of his health, but he can also try to control himself until he's in the bathroom. If he's also pretending nothing's happened, then perhaps he's really got a bit of a medical issue going on? If it's bothering you, you should bring it up with him. You say it happens when you're "out" - is it not something that's interrupted private moments but only out in public?
The first few times I went out with the girl I'm seeing now, I held it in until I could get to a bathroom or somewhere safe, which resulted in, at one point, a minutes-long fart that resulted in a standing ovation in the mens room of the restaurant Me, I generally wait to expose someone to the more base of my bodily functions Then it's fair game and bring the nose plugs. Our fourth date was one long fart joke I gradually introduced her to the idea that I'm a disgusting, horrible creature, and she was OK with it.
I'll tell you about how I broke down the rest of her resistances some other time Either he doesn't care because he's a pig or he doesn't care because he isn't embarrased by it. But ask him about it. You are not uptight, no one is ignoring that it's a natural bodily function.
But there is an issue of normal politeness. If he does have a condition, he should at least be upfront about it, instead of thinking he is keeping it hidden behind him. It's weird to me, and I'd just rather not. My friend has no such qualms, though he generally keeps from doing it in public and on the first few dates And there's a legit reason to plead the Fifth. According to gastrointestinal studies by researcher Micheal Levittwomen's farts pack more hydrogen sulfide, meaning they typically smell worse than the male strain.
So, no need to throw in the towel just yet! But make sure you don't ever dodge this again throughout the course of your relationship, because — well, in any other scenario, it's pretty evil and potentially mentally abusive. Own up to it Marriage, sex, and relationship therapist Courtney Geter insists that honesty is the best policy, even when it's awkward.
However, there are some times when denying is just not possible. Now, you not only become the person who farted on a date, but also the person who can't tell the truth! Not a good way to start a relationship off. And, if it all works out, you'll have a pretty amusing story to tell your grandkids someday. If there's absolutely no denying that you're the one who cut the cheese, break the tension and awkwardness with a joke.
Psychologist Helen Odessky has a good, down-to-earth response, "Glad we got that out of the way — we can both pretend to be human now! Mo's line of choice is, "I'm clearly comfortable with you — that's grounds for a second date already! If you're laughing and then you fart, and you keep laughing — a laughing fart is forgivable, especially if that person's making you laugh and they make you laugh until you fart. That's almost a meet-cute! I accept that it's over.
Don't freak out if he farts, either The very fact that you're reading this implies that you're human and concerned about what would happened if you passed gas on a date. You'd never do it on purpose, and chances are neither would your date unless you're both into that sort of thingso don't hold it against him.
If he farts, ignore it, as Miss Manners herself recommends it's only polite if passing gas goes unmentioned. If you can't, or if he's visibly flustered about it, say something like, "What?!
Sharp, advises that if your date freaks out over a fart, he probably isn't "the one" anyway. But you've got to ask yourself if you really want to date a guy who would use that as a reason not to date you," he noted. You need someone who can accept you as a real person. And real people fart. Some people, it will be one in a series of things they're using in a decision about whether or not they want to see you again. Well, chances are he's just not that into you — and sooner or later you'll find someone who is!
Prevent it from happening again Dr. Kosinski, a spokesman for the American Gastroenterological Associationsays that if you're concerned about getting gas on a date or otherwiseyou can avoid trigger foodsincluding beans, lentils, dairy, brussels sprouts, broccoli, asparagus, high-fiber foods like bran, whole wheat, starch-heavy foods, fruits, fructose, and the artificial sweetener sorbitol. Drinking carbonated beverages, eating too quickly, and chewing gum can cause you to swallow airwhich can also lead to gas.
Unfortunately, if you avoid all these things, you may end up starving to death. What to do now? Exercise can reduce gas and bloating, and popping an over-the-counter remedy, like Beano or Pepto Bismol, can keep your nervous stomach from betraying your first date jitters.