Depression late thirties dating

depression late thirties dating

We are far more discriminating in our 30s than we were in our 20s, which I find myself having thoughts like, “I could never date him, he wears V-necks. told to prioritize your career, and put off marriage and family until later. When it comes to dating and relationships, it's hard not to feel that you are a victim. . The problem with this voice is that it later turns on you with thoughts like . I'm 40 and met my BF last year after five years of dating, flings, monthers, and one lovely relationship that . My 4 closest friends were all mid-late thirties.

Is it too late to start a relationship at 30, having never dated? January 28, I can't help but wonder if it's too late at my age to date or have a relationship if I've never done either before. I've never been in a relationship or even been on a date unless having gone to a high school dance with someone counts due to a number of factors.

It's mostly anxiety and depression, but also the fact that relationships weren't really a priority for me in high school and college for whatever reason and the fact that I was busy with getting my degrees followed by getting a job that would be sufficient to let me live independently which I now am. I'm not entirely sure if I actually want a relationship at this time and working on my mental health is my main priority at the moment, along with finding new things to do or become interested in.

However, I have a persistent fear that, should I decide that I would like a relationship, I'm going to be considered too old to have never had a relationship or even a date and that my lack of prior experience would make women apprehensive or scare them off.

depression late thirties dating

That is, I worry that I'm past the period where certain mistakes would be understandable and I won't pretend that I wouldn't make any mistakes: I've never done this, after alland that my inexperience would be apparent and lead to others getting weirded out or wondering if something's wrong with me. Alternatively, I worry that I would be outright asked about my history and that no reasoning for my answer would be sufficient given my age. It may just be my anxiety speaking, but I thought I'd just get some input from others about this.

I think it's something most people would want to know, but that shouldn't be a big deal to the right person. Just be honest, and try not to be idealistic about what a relationship should be. Everyone is different and try not to expect people to be perfect. It's late, I'll try to come back with something more specific tomorrow. But not today at 40, with my wonderful girlfriend cuddled up next to me on the couch. So I hope 30's not too late, or we're in trouble!

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Reading about relationships is no substitute for the real thing, but there's so many times something on here has been helpful. You likely have more perspective from that than you realize. If you're honest about yourself, and what you want, and dedicate yourself to open communication, nobody worth dating will be bothered by inexperience. It's not making mistakes that's the problem, it's how you deal with it. And you sound pretty thoughtful, humble and reasonable to me.

A combination of famiky circumstances, education math phd and his natural reticence postponed his decision to date. Since then he has had a number of relationships that have been very important to him and that he treasures the memory of, and now he is 3 years into an exclusive relationship with someone who he is comfortable with, who shares the need for companionship, whike they maintain their separate residences.

You're right, it's not typical, but it's not too late.

depression late thirties dating

Some people will be surprised, some will be judgemental and some will be very touched that when you ventured out into this exciting, scary world, you trusted them enough to choose them. When they ask, you might say "there's been a few people I've felt strongly about, but I wouldn't say I was very experienced. Of course, I think it's important that we both get tested before becoming intimate. I highly recommend this because sometimes the impact of anxiety and a failed date which happens to sexually experienced people too can be compounding, and might make it harder for you to try again.

But no, not too late, and there are lots of people who value partners with no exes to be compared to. You could have said you were 90 and I'd tell you the same thing. Yes, going to a dance with someone "counts," though I expect after one's late teens, most people can stop worrying about whether something counts or whether strangers think it does. If you've had friendships with other people of any genderthen you already know many though of course, not all of the building blocks of a good romantic relationship.

If you don't have a lot of practice with friendships, that's a great place to start. You don't have to be ready for a whole relationship if you're going to start dating, as long as you don't lead someone to believe you're ready for something serious. Be honest, and be kind. That last one may just be a mistake in dating me. If your concern is less about the social niceties and more about physical intimacy, there are far more people out there with limited experience than you may realize.

And while the actions are generally the same, they are customized to each set of partners, so you will find there's less of a "mistake" to be made, and more of a physical conversation, with ebbs and flows. You might choose to tell your eventual partner, "You are the first" beforehand, or you might choose to say, "You were the first" afterward, or you might choose to say nothing.

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And if you are kind, you will be head and shoulders above at least some of the people your dating partners will have known by the age of Just be honest about your lack of experience. Some people will be put off, but those aren't the people you want to be dating. I understand that's all easier said than done, and I had very similar fears and anxieties at the time. I'd recommend unpacking a lot of this stuff with a therapist, if you can. One met his wife in his forties after years of depression and fixating on unavailable women.

The other met his girlfriend in his fifties after dedicating himself to a life that precluded relationships.

So the simple answer is there's no cut-off date.

depression late thirties dating

Also, not all relationships are equal in terms of the value of the experience they confer. Some are even negative; I had to work hard to unlearn the lessons of one unhealthy relationship.

I also spent a decade repeating the same pattern with a string of girlfriends and until one woman inspired me to break it, that experience was of very little value in making me a better partner. You might learn those lessons in your first year of dating; plenty of guys with a lifetime of relationships behind them are nevertheless still at the beginner level of romance. There will be ways in which your inexperience will be a disadvantage, but also plenty of ways in which it will help you.

You won't be tempted to assume that what worked with a previous girlfriend will also be appropriate for the woman you're seeing. You'll probably listen to her concerns more carefully.

depression late thirties dating

One last thing - be prepared for rejection and failure, which are integral parts of finding the right person. They aren't nice, but almost everyone faces them and given your lack of history, you will be vulnerable to making them into a bigger deal than they are. However, as someone who has dated multiple people with anxiety and depression and who has both herself: It's easy to let those issues "leak" into an intimate relationship, and that can be very destructive for everyone involved.

It's not too late, but that doesn't mean you're ready. Take care and best of luck. I've been dating for 20 years. My boyfriends have cheated, hit me, called me a bitch, have been so needy I was never alone for a moment, have made life plans without including me after we dated for 7 years, have sent me to the hospital after neglecting the consequences their actions would have on my health, have minimized my feelings and needs to a shocking degree These examples are each from different men, by the way.

Dating someone who had decided not to date until they were ready would be vastly preferable to any of this stuff, and as you can see, the bar for bad behavior is unfortunately really damn low. Every woman I know has a litany of stories like mine.

Every single woman I know in her mids and 40s would be thrilled to be with someone who had waited to figure out his shit before he dated.

This will not be a problem at all for the right woman. One is my brother, who now has a very nice girlfriend. The other is the dude currently snoring away in our bed upstairs. Since I have a 29 year old girlfriend going through the same anxiety as you, I know a lot of it is anxiety about sex. Do not worry about sex and physical intimacy.

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Sex with a new partner is daunting and there is a learning curve whether it is your first partner or your tenth. I do not think a full recounting of sexual history is required before sleeping with someone, so you could keep the extent of your inexperience under wraps. It won't be as obvious as you think. The non-sexual aspects of a romantic relationship function the same as a friendship, at least in the beginning.

Basic courtesy, don't stand people up, occassional thoughtful gestures, having fun.

depression late thirties dating

Again, your inexperience at dating is not going to be a flashing red sign. You can reveal more and more as you get more comfortable with a person. I think that working on yourself is great--absolutely continue it until you feel ready to date--but you are just going to have jump in to dating both feet first.

The nice thing about dating is that it progresses at a pace you can control and the dynamics are unique to every relationship, so past experience does not necessarily prove useful. I've always been perpetually in a relationship, with some boy or another, since I was We're both in our mids.

My friend is amazingly level-headed and adult in how she deals with dating - she knows exactly what she wants, knows she is fine single, and meets conflict and issues head-on. Meanwhile, I'm still not sure what I want, I'm still trying to believe I'd be okay single, and I am horribly conflict-averse.

She amazes me every day with how much more mature she is with relationships, despite never being in one, yet. So it is absolutely not too late, at all.

Instead of her leaning on me for advice, I lean on her.

What It's Really Like Dating Someone With Depression

But when I phoned a dating agency eight months ago, everything had taken on a new sense of urgency. Where had they all gone? The pressure started to mount. Time is running out. I never thought I would end up like this. There had always been boyfriends in my teens, 20s, and on into my early 30s.

So it is hardly as if I was a perennial spinster. But, returning to London in after four years abroad, I discovered that being something and single was very different to being something and single.

My whole social life had changed. Before, I would meet friends every night and every weekend, go to parties, and hang out in pubs and bars. There was a constant merry-go-round of new faces. But if I wanted to have children, then I knew I had to get a move on.

I missed having someone special in my life — someone to look forward to seeing at the end of a long day, someone to cuddle up to. Sarah with a man who was not her "Mr Right" But I worried that any potential boyfriends would find out how old I was and just hear the sound of ticking ovaries. I went speed-dating, online-dating, wine-tasting dating, quiz-dating and dinner-dating. I joined running clubs, did acting classes and dance classes, went on skiing holidays and singles holidays and badgered my friends to set me up with their friends.

Some attempts were more successful than others: I turned up a few minutes late for one date to find that the guy had already ordered and eaten dinner without me, and I booked myself on a climbing holiday with 14 fit men, only to discover halfway up the highest mountain in North Africa that they were all married.