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EHarmony was born here, the unexpected child of Dr Neil Clarke Warren's marriage-counselling practice. In his work, Warren saw too many fighting couples who, he realised, were fundamentally mismatched in the first place. He decided to dedicate his own scientific research to finding out what kept couples together in the long-term; his findings provided the basis for eHarmony's original model and a multi-million dollar company.

In the basement of the eHarmony offices, Dr Gian Gonzaga, the company's head of research and development, sits in the command centre of their "relationship laboratories". Surrounded by recording equipment and monitor screens, Gonzaga can listen in on the interactions that are taking place in the next-door rooms, where couples are talking about their lives: I haven't been married for 30 years, for instance — so I don't know what's going to be important 30 years from now.

He picks up a napkin and starts drawing a flowchart on the back of it, combining phrases like "dyadic adjustment scale" and "regression analysis", with helpful little diagrams of stick people. It's like walking into a party and instead of having to talk to all people, here are the 10 you should start with, the ones you have the best chance to get along with in the long haul.

It turns out you can't just use the same algorithm across continents: Often you hear them add: We watch on monitors as the pair are asked to talk about their week. Gonzaga jots down notes. It's a really strong sign for the future health of a relationship. It's about whether the couples understand what's important to each other. By the time I leave, I'm so convinced of the power of eHarmony that I'm ready to start picking out my wedding dress.

When I return to the site, I've finally got a few matches.

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A new profile is emailed around 8am most mornings, a clever ruse, because there's no better way to start your day than to have the prospect of eternal love arrive in your inbox with a satisfying ping.

Whereas most sites encourage flirting through instant chat and email, the eHarmony site comes across as a matronly chaperone, keeping a keen eye and a restraining arm on you and your prospective lover. Once I've found a likely looking man, I have to send him an eHarmony-approved "icebreaker". I'm not sure I want the first thing I say to my future husband to be "Wink! Why don't you finish your About Me questions? Before you talk to your date, eHarmony wants you to get to know them through a series of closed and open-ended questions, which get straight to the serious stuff: I settle on "Good Hygiene" and "Not Racist".

It's an infuriatingly slow burn that doesn't do much to distinguish between the Darrens, Johns and Peters and makes the banter rather earnest "If you had three wishes, what would they be? You can have the spare two in exchange for a kiss. I manage to arrange one date with a chap who has a list of similarly geeky interests to mine, but I have to call it off after a curious phone conversation in which he puts me on the line to his cat.

After six months on the site, I haven't had a single date. Eventually I spot Phil, a friendly, cuddly looking chap who in his profile photo is standing on the Spanish Steps in Rome, one of my all-time favourite places.

This time, I skip straight to the email option which eHarmony does not recommend and we agree to meet up for a drink after work. Phil's taken the train in from Buckinghamshire, where he lives, so I know he must be serious, and I've worn my cutest work outfit so that he knows I am. Has eHarmony's "values-based" system worked? Well, I warm to him quickly, and the conversation doesn't stay on small talk long.

Before the first beer is through we're agreeing animatedly on methods of education he's a teacher and there's a lot of capitalising going on. I've told eHarmony that career ambition, financial security, shared interests and liberal views are all important to me in a partner, and Phil had them all.

Then, last month, I went to the American south on a trip and met a registered Republican who spends his day playing banjo, lives with his parents and is too young to recognise half the films in my DVD collection. I fell for him instantly.

Would eHarmony have deemed us compatible? Can the relationship work?

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