Affair dating dynamic

affair dating dynamic

What I Learned From My Affair With a Married Man and what my next professional steps would be, which didn't leave much time for dating. I wanted to discuss the power dynamics of what we were entering into — him. Nearly all affairs--yes, even yours--follow very specific patterns. This is the dating phase, though you might not know it. . But sooner or later, lovers in an extramarital affair have to confront the dynamic nature of their relationship and move. Each of these dynamics isn't much fun to be in, for very different reasons . to discuss to the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships.

We kept hanging out socially, and beyond a few racy text exchanges, nothing had crossed a physical line.

What I Learned From My Affair With a Married Man

It was when he started to confide in me about the problems he was having with his wife that I began to realize the magnitude of what was happening. I tried my best to offer suggestions, but I found myself more and more confused by the late-night conversations and what the boundaries were with this new relationship.

I tried to navigate a more personal friendship, which was something I had done with other professors in the past, but this seemed different.

While there was an attraction, I tried to respect his marriage and set clear boundaries with what I was and was not comfortable discussing with him.

What I Learned From My Affair With a Married Man

Although I tried to be clear about my parameters, he didn't take no for an answer, and eventually his advances wore me down. I wanted to discuss the power dynamics of what we were entering into - him being a tenured professor and me still a graduate student, even if I wasn't in his department.

However, those conversations never seemed to take place. The spirited text conversations turned into full-blown sexting, and that Summer, our emotional affair began. He was still married, and while I was attracted to him, I wasn't looking to change his situation or to cause trouble. The social drinking with his graduate students continued, but it was now followed by trips to his office before or after. He'd pay for my drinks, and there was an occasional lunch or dinner.

Sometimes he'd buy me a book, tote bag, and even an occasional piece of lingerie or sex toy. It was sexy, and no one seemed to know, but things came to a head that November when he wanted to go to a hotel. I apprehensively went along with it, but that night, something shifted.

  • You may not realize you’re having an emotional affair – here’s how to tell

I knew I wasn't in a place I actually wanted to be in with him emotionally or otherwise. It ended just as quickly as it began, but over the course of having an affair, he had taken something from me.

affair dating dynamic

He had taken little pieces of my emotional vulnerability and had not respected my boundaries. It made me want to take back control and get those things back. Our relationship made me take stock of my life, what had occurred, and I became very reflective about it. It took me months to shake the embarrassment and shame, but over time, and with a good therapist, I was able to start healing from the situation. They rarely confuse the two. Sadly, the way woman handles an extra-marital affair is troublesome.

For them, the affair starts by fulfilling emotional needs and then they start taking them very seriously. Most affairs end due to mismatch of emotional and sexual needs. In general, the life of an extra-marital affair is not too long. It can last from a few months to maybe a few years. Dr Rashi Ahuja, counseling psychologist at ePsyClinic. This period is all about feeling alive, feeling loved and wanted.

Affair-Proof Relationships?

And after this period ends, it starts to get boring. The same holds true for extra marital affairs. Some affairs are karmic. It is not a sexual attraction at first but you feel an intense pull towards that person.

They are basically souls with whom you have unfinished business. As we read this, they are happening at your workplace, in your neighbourhood and maybe somewhere in your family too. And whenever they end, they will not only end up in hurt or betrayal but in lessons. Lessons of growth and discovery.

affair dating dynamic