Jul 28, Megan, a 35 year-old yoga instructor, wrote "You know how they Nicole points out that when she first started dating older men, she was a. A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? Hey guys just curious if a .. When I was 34 I was dating a 27 year old. We had a lot of fun in the . As a year old, I dated a year old. As a year old. Jun 16, I AM 49 YEAR old woman dating a 29 year old man how do you I am a 19 year old guy in a long term committed relationship with a 35 year old woman. Im 38, dating soon to be 23 yo man, he is mature enough for his age.
This sort of thing, as with almost any relationship, is almost entirely dependent on the people involved. If you think this way already, what you are going to think when it's time for your friends to meet your girlfriend? Are you going to be embarrassed about her being 5 years closer to wearing Depends diapers or something? But please make sure she never sees this question or knows about your concerns because it would be really hurtful and if I were her it would be amble reason to not date you or to dump you if I was.
Also, I'd just like to request that you and society as a whole work super-hard to unpack yourselves of this notion. If you could see your way clear. Because, "An age and power differential is okay as long as it's the man in power"?
As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly. You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world.
We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons.
You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't. This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket.
Would a 35 year old woman dating a 23 year old guy, make her appear to be desperate... ??
You need to mature some more. I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to. If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at 2: If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal. That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men.
So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all. If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages.
Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude. Cut this shit out. Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger. The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap.
Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you?
Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i.
If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy, I'm not so sure. Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing.
I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date? Her or other men? It's a fine age gap for anyone. Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. OK, I'm here to tell you: You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"? You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic.
You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship. It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman. Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date?
While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK. They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet.
It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different.
For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me. But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive.
My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference. I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers. I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest.
Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty. Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with?
And the line about not able to attract a younger woman. You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped.
Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident. Except when he makes fun of 80s music. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them?
Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care.
I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years. I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor.
I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet. I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal.
I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc. Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us. There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup. I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments? Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women.
And they had data to back up something women being awesome! Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages.
A younger man dating an older woman | Ask MetaFilter
Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same. I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. If she's OK with you, you should be too. When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's. We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity. If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time. Cart before the horse.
I hope you've worked through your previous issues. I think you need a lot more confidence and grounding, but that's just me. I'm not a MILF or a Cougar and spent most of the early years of the relationship worrying about the age difference, it has never bothered him.
You like who you like, ask her out and if she says yes I hope you both have fun. If it becomes serious you won't care about the age difference, and if it's only a bit of fun for both of you, you might learn something about yourself and women. Forget about what people on OKCupid say, what people say online to make themselves look "cooler" rarely has any actually relationship to what they'd do if they had the chance in real life.
Also face early thirties deosn't look that much different to late 20's its not like she's got grey hair and a walking stick, no one is going to look twice. Are you sure that they've failed at competing? I suspect that men who date older women have realized that the only way to win at "my girlfriend is younger than yours" is not to play.
Put another way, do you really want the respect of men who think this way about women? Would it really make you feel better about yourself? This is not enough data to say anything about you.
In fact, the only thing this tells me is that you are into this particular 31 year old woman. It could, maybe, suggest that you're more into 31 year olds than other women. If you really need to be older than your lady, just wait until you're 32 and start hitting on the 31 year olds. Yes Sorry, something has gone wrong. Speaking from experience and observation- here are my thoughts.
As long as he's legal, date who you want. You will find that there are some people who are actually quite mature at 23 and others who are children still at 60, a lot of that has to do with life experience and personality. The most important thing is maturity level, common interests and goals, and communication. Younger men dating older women is much more common than it was once, and most of the younger guys that I know who prefer older women have very clear reasons for their preferences, just as younger women who date older men, and older people of either sex who prefer younger partners usually do.
A lot of it has to do with state of mind, decisiveness, and life experience. Sexiness, after all, is in the mind and eyes of the beholder, as is beauty. I was divorced after years of marriage, and I assumed that the young guys "hitting on me" were doing so for the thrill of an "older woman. Some are, but a lot of them really prefer someone older, and are looking for something long-term or permanent. How stable is his work, what's his education level, does he have kids, or want them, and how does that fit in to your wants and needs?
If you guys are just dating and hanging out, that's fine, but if you're thinking of more, then think about these things before you get too emotionally entangled and have too many feelings involved.
Is he actually capable of maintaining a healthy relationship, or is he looking for a parent? Same would apply to either sex. Are you capable of maintaining a healthy relationship, or do you have control issues? I dated a 26 year old for 2 years, and the entire time, in my mind, it was a "friend with benefits" situation.
When he would press me with questions about how I felt about him, I would brush them off, and just tell him that "we're friends, and let's just keep it at that.