Disability Dating: Tips and Advice for Disabled Dating - Disabled World
his disability. Let the advice our dating coach gives him, help you as well. Because I truly feel you'll be helping a LOT of disabled people if you do. I don't for . Dating Coach on Wheels: top tips from disability and dating expert It's true, disabled people are memorable because of their disability. It does. Everyone is different, as are people's disabilities. So you may need to tweak these tips to apply them to your specific situation. But these will.
This enabled him to totally transform himself, his relationships and his life.
How to nail online dating when you're disabled
Now the Dating Coach on Wheels, image consultant and motivational speaker is returning the favour… You became a wheelchair-user at the tough age of How did this affect your sense of self and your personal relationships? In fact, it was pretty cool because I had this brand new wheelchair and no longer felt exhausted all the time. I was lonely, alienated and my relationships became strained because I wanted the impossible: I wanted to get rid of my wheelchair and be the same as everyone else.
But of course, that could never happen. I did have a few school friends but I never had a girlfriend, and was left out of all the usual teen dating etiquette. No girl ever wrote on my locker. I felt unattractive and thought I had nothing to offer a girl, so I shut myself down. Where did you get the idea to seek assistance from a dating coach, and why did you choose that route?
I was enthusiastic and did everything right according to my research.
Top dating, relationship and sex tips for wheelchair users
I was, on paper, a catch. I was a grade-A student, a high-achiever academically and I had a great job at Microsoft. I think my downfall was the fact that I tried to hide my disability from my online dating profiles.
I never showed pictures of my wheelchair and never mentioned it. I basically listed my achievements but failed to inject any personality or humour.
Had I done this I think I would have been met with a more emotional response.
Ultimately, it led me to search online forums, which is where I found the guy who would become my dating coach. I was 23 at the time and he was doing a workshop called Conversation Secrets. It was then that I decided to get his advice. Instead, you should make yourself stand-out from the crowd. Why did this realisation have such an impact on you, and why do you feel disabled people should aim to do the same?
Yeah, that really did make an impression on me. It does make us stand out. Disabled people should embrace their individuality and dress to grab positive attention. People are going to look at you anyway. By nature, humans are curious and we all check each other out — disabled or not.
So, make people look at you and remember you for the right reasons. Make them remember your outfit or your style. I also learnt, from my dating coach, that being in a wheelchair gives me free rein to talk to any girl in the world. No one is going to slap, punch or snub a guy in a wheelchair, right? You clearly pay a great deal of attention to your appearance — the signature bow tie, a pop of colour and an overall minimalist, classy look.
How did you develop your personal sense of style and why do you feel this is so important? I believe that you attract what you project. I now look completely different from how I used to. We all need to embrace our individuality, consider what we wear and how we wear it.
Much emphasis is placed on sex, and for some disabled people, this can be a cause for concern. How would you coach someone whose disability prevents them from having sex? With regards to sex itself, clients explain their difficulties, circumstances and challenges to me.
So, there are two main things people should think about. Firstly, I ask what the client wants. Do they want someone a carer, for example to support them to participate in sex? Or do they want their partner to support them in the act? Tell them what you want in a flirtatious way and make it sound hot and kinky, rather than practical.
You have talked candidly about sex and your own personal experiences. Of course, meeting somewhere accessible for you is key. Be open and honest about your requirements. If your date also has access requirements, work together to decide what would suit you both best. For example, you could have a drink or dinner, or go to the cinema where there is wheelchair-accessible space next to an additional seat.
Make sure your date knows about it beforehand though.
10 things to know before dating someone with a disability
If they seem curious, encourage them to ask questions. Be open and relaxed about it — the more uninhibited you are about your wheelchair, the less they will be. If they seem receptive, invite your date to take your hand, or otherwise guide it. It may be difficult to be hugged in your wheelchair.
10 things to know before dating someone with a disability – The Daily Disability
Again, be open and tell them to lean forward to hold you as close as they can. One person, for example, may have more feeling in their upper body nipples, mouth etc and another may have very sensitive legs but have no feeling in their genitals. You may find this out by yourself, but probably not — it needs to be talked about. There are erogenous zones in the earlobes and on the nape of the neck, so a head massage is a great way to feel stimulated.
Have you considered sex or foreplay in your chair, or even your hoist? What about having your partner laid on the bed while you stay in your chair pleasuring them? Explore this with your partner — it might make it even more fun.
But why not make a game of it? Maybe plan to be waiting for your partner in bed naked after your PA has got you ready? Or how about asking them to help you get ready for sex one night, instead of a PA?
Plan in time to do this and who will help you — your PA or partner.
Talk about what would suit both of your needs best. Also, plan for what will happen after sex.
For example, will you need to go to the toilet again? Having tissues or a bottle next to the bed means the transition after sex will be less clunky.
Could your partner sit on you? Can your hands be placed in position?
Can your partner pleasure themselves?