Poll: dating and age gaps: How big is too big?
Apr 20, Studies have found partners with more than a year gap in age experience social disapproval. But when it comes to our own relationships. Apr 20, Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age But when it comes to our own relationships, both men and women prefer. Jun 1, Um, I thought, petting my two-years-younger boyfriend. a younger woman, and in almost half of them, the age gap is at least five years older.
Similarity entails many things, including personality, interests and values, life goals and stage of life, and physical traits age being a marker of physical appearance. Why doesn't age matter to some? Many of the reasons proposed for age-gap couples have been largely rooted in evolutionary explanations, and focus on explaining older man-younger woman pairings. From this perspective, it's thought men's preferences for younger women and women's preferences for older men relate to reproductive fitness.
That is, the extent to which someone has "good genes" — indicated by their attractiveness and sense of energy also known as vitality — and the extent to which they are a "good investment" — indicated by their status and resources as well as their warmth and sense of trust.
Although men and women place importance on a partner who is warm and trustworthy, women place more importance on the status and resources of their male partner. This is largely because, with women being the child bearers, the investment is very high on their behalf time and effort in child bearing and rearing. So they are attuned to looking for a partner who will also invest resources into a relationship and family. But because the building of resources takes time, we tend to acquire resources later in life and so are older by the time we have acquired enough wealth and resources to comfortably provide for others.
So, women's attunement to status and resources might explain why some women may be attracted to older men. In contrast, there's evidence to suggest men value attractiveness and vitality more than women because, from an evolutionary standpoint, youth is seen as an indicator of fertility. Given men cannot bear children, evolution suggests they're attuned to younger women to enhance the chances of partnering with someone who can provide children.
But the evolutionary explanation is limited in that it doesn't explain why the reverse occurs an older woman-younger man pairingor why age gaps exist within same-sex couples. For this, socio-cultural explanations might provide insights. With more women working, in higher positions and being paid more, they no longer have such a reliance on men for resources.
So fewer women will prioritise resources when looking for a mate. As for same-sex couples, there's very little research.
Some suggest a lack ofor a reduced pool of, suitable age-similar mates may bring about same-sex coupling with large age differences. What are the relationship outcomes for age-gap couples? Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher.
These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples. Over three-quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men report satisfying romantic relationships. A factor that does impact on the relationship outcomes of age-gap couples is their perceptions of social disapproval.
But maybe you will be able to do everything you want and be with him, which seems like it would be awesome. I would go on a couple dates and see what happens. You aren't self sabotaging right now, you're just thinking of dating someone. Going on a few dates isn't self sabotage either. The age gap will only be an issue if the two of you are in different places, goal wise. If he wants to settle down, get married, have kids and live in the same town, while you want to travel, move from place to place, and wait another 10 years to have kids, or vice versa it's not going to work out.
Go on a couple dates, and figure out a way to talk about this stuff.
Dating and the age gap: When is older too old? - Washington Times
Listen to your gut along the way. If it still feels wrong after a couple weeks, end it. This would be a very good time to actively let go of those and just enjoy whatever comes of the relationship, be it a date or two, a friendship, or a lifetime.
And remember, as you move into the future - the only time in life that it's "normal" for people to be stuffed into a small age group range is during required schooling. Unfortunately, people sometimes hang on to that manufactured dynamic far too long, and miss out on a lot of interactions that they'd otherwise enjoy and grow from. Though I would hold off on that kind of commitment while you're in your twenties, if this guy ends up being in his 40s when you meet him IRL. He's not the first older guy who will reach out to you, and he's not the last.
He could be great, he could be a Peter Pan jerk. You won't know until you go out with him. Go out with him, and focus on how you feel. With respect to your question, I don't think a ten-year age gap is necessarily a dealbreaker or an indication that someone's being creepy or predatory. I'm in a relationship with someone 9 years older and it's no big thing. In fact, I consider his extra years of life experience a bonus!
But I think your hackles might be raised for good reason, and that could be that he's presenting himself online in a way that seems just over-the-top good.
Undressed: What’s the Deal With the Age Gap in Relationships?
It reminds me of how everyone on the show Catfish is a model, a record producer, etc. I'd get his name, google him, look into the "multiple philanthropies" and why and how he's wealthy. If it checks out, there's no harm in meeting for coffee. You are fantasizing about what he wrote, not about a real person.
Have coffee and see if you even like him enough to have lunch before you start fretting over your china pattern! His voice may grate on you, he may not smell right, he could look nothing like his pictures, he could be embellishing his philanthropies and wealth beyond comprehension to attract dreamy young ladies who are impressed by stuff like that. And none of that has anything to do with his age. Just for the heck of it, here's Wikipedia article on "age disparity in sexual relationships".
Dating and the age gap: When is older too old?
My father was 9 years older than my mom. It was never an issue although they married later than the norm for their generation. Nthing the entire "go out with him and see what happens" sentiment.
He could be awesome. He could be a sleaze. There's really only one way to find out. The 10 years itself isn't a biggie. It's not about him or the profile-version of himit's about you. But it might indeed mean that he isn't the right person for you at this time. Sometimes, the age difference mattered.
When it matters, it matters. When it doesn't, it doesn't. As long as you don't wind up in some situation like a shotgun wedding, letting a man outside your comfort zone chat you up a bit is a learning experience with no real downside. It tells you things about yourself you wouldn't learn any other way. Most likely, this will not turn into marriage. But it might pave the way for some other relationship down the road to have a better shot at working out.
Given that men tend to make more money than women and have better careers, the odds are pretty high that any man that is similarly intelligent, ambitious, etc as you are will likely have more real world accomplishments under his belt.
If you shut out men who have more money and more accomplishments than you have, you are going to be kind of limiting yourself to "losers. Given the realities of the world, a man who is your equal in terms of social skills and intelligence and general competence is a your best bet for a LTR and b probably going to be more successful in his career than you are currently and probably going to be making more money.
So I will suggest that you need to make a distinction here as to which sort of "equal" you want in your relationship. Money comes and goes, jobs come and go, so innate qualities are the way to bet. Granted, the differences in where you are materially can present challenges, but I think they are less problematic than pairing up with someone that, if you remove money and power, is basically beneath you and cannot keep up.
I'm nthing what another poster mentioned, but my concern is not even the age, but don't fall for the person or make any conclusions about the person until you meet him. If people describe and give themselves positive adjectives in a profile "intelligent, ambitious, good person", watch how the person behaves, not how they describe themselves.
I've met people who claim to "love animals" in an ad, and this can equal - likes to look at a bird in a tree to keeps 10 pet cats. Don't get attached to any of this yet.
If 1 doesn't connect to 2 and there are lies, then it is a problem or an infinite number of other reasons that you might not like or care for the person and vice verse.
I think often this ends up with their development personality-wise and career-wise being shaped and constrained by the more settled partner. That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting up and having coffee! After all, he could turn out to be awful in person and then it's not even an issue. Just be aware of the possible dynamics at play and be sure to protect "you" throughout the process. Where does this come from? Is this something someone said in a movie once? Who makes up all these rules?
It boils down to physical attraction and a common outlook on life more than days ticked off on a calendar. I think the advice to not weave your futures together just yet and to go on one date first is pretty sound. His name, real age, and the legitimacy of his philanthropic associations were easy to find out because he gave me his full name and he mentions the charities directly across both his LinkedIn profile and on other networks. In fact, I think he may actually know my boss, which kind of makes me feel a little bit better because my boss has good taste in friends and colleagues and I bet I could ask him if Match Guy is the real deal without it being too weird.
As for the philanthropic aspect of all this, yes, that strikes me as being a little iffy too. But the thing is that I put on my profile that I want to be involved with someone who is as committed to volunteering and supporting certain causes as I am. Is his having started a few charities really that big a deal?
Not in some bad self esteem sense, but just as a practical matter. What about me are they actually interested in? Do they know anything about me at all apart from my general demographics and appearance? Very frequently, they really were just interested in the idea of getting with a young woman, and they'd often show very early signs of trying to mold me into their personal ideal, like telling me I'd look prettier if I changed my hair or the way I dressed, or trying to get me interested in their own interests or something like that, as though I'm some blank slate they can attract with generic lady-attracting tactics.
A lot of your guy's attractive qualities do kind of look like generic lady-attracting things, the sort that a creepy old guy might affect. They kind of put on this persona of a guy from a crappy rom com, and they're almost always humble, secretly wealthy animal lovers.
Which is not to say don't meet the guy for coffee or something. Just meet the guy for coffee to both gauge your interest and to try to suss out his. It could be that the guy is a legitimately great guy. Just keep your eye out for creepiness, and pay very close attention to what his attraction to you seems to be. I too am concerned about running philanthropies. That just rings like a big ol' lie. Most philanthropic folks tend to be on the DL about it because they're not looking for positive strokes, or for people reaching out to them for money.
If he's given you the impression that he's wealthy A man looking for someone to date would probably not want people to be swayed by wealth.
A quality person would want to be wanted for his character and personality. Do Google him, see if you can find him on Facebook and LinkedIn. If you're still interested, meet him for coffee. Be alert to things that just don't sound right. Bragging, lying and name dropping are bad signs. We started dating 10 years ago when he was in his early 20's we're still together 11 years later. I would say go on at least a date or 2 with the guy before you start deciding anything if he sounds interesting to you.
As ernielundquist wrote, if the age thing isn't going to matter, seriously it won't matter. If he's just after the whole thrill of dating a younger woman a date or 2 should weed that out. I know some people have had great relationships with men old enough to be their father or grandfather, but my experiences in this realm were freaking scary and I've come to the conclusion that I want someone who's an equal to me, not "experienced.
I'm with you on the red flagging. As was pointed out above, older guys LOVE to chase after 20somethings, and this guy does sound "too good to be true" in some respects. I'm happy to hear you could verify at least some of that online, but it does kind of make you wonder why he hasn't been snapped up and needs to look for online dates if he's a wealthy philanthropist for realz. But mostly what stands out to me is that you say "I am something of a late bloomer in terms of experiencing life in the way others have.
And the thing about being a late bloomer is that well Which is to say that a lot of skeezy older dudes prefer young girls because they're hot, not as experienced, possibly dumber, and well They've dealt with your kind before, you haven't dealt with their kind before.
Also, what ernielundquist said about why they're interested in you. He could be awesome, I don't know, but if you go there, I'd soooooooo proceed with caution. You don't know that he's incredible and you can't possibly know that he is kind or good. A message precedes a conversation, which may precede coffee, which may precede a date, which may precede a relationship, which is guaranteed to have complications of one sort or another regardless of age or income.
Don't get caught up in the potential complications of a relationship that doesn't even exist yet. Just have a conversation. We've been a couple for 18 years and happily married for Take him as you find him. Usually I stay out of this even if the same question comes back in the future or in the same postbut So things that stand out to me in your questions and approach here: It doesn't matter how much work you put into it, how much you believe in certain things, nope, many people will not read it and realize how important something is to you, even if you put it in bold letters and put a once sentence profile.
It sometimes might not be intentional - the person might never have volunteered in his life, but If you have volunteered a lot, and this is something very, very important to you, ask questions on the date. Has he volunteered now or in the past? Ask him about some of the topics that you care about.
To be honest, if volunteering and causes are that important to you, if I were in your shoes I would meet your dates via the internet AND Because this is how you will meet someone who does what you love -- they will be spending their time and energy doing the same thing.
Assume he's telling the truth, but keep your wits about you. BlahLaLa and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. What I mean by this is: There's no other way to figure it out. Love is wonderful and we should get it where we can and you never know where that may be. You don't say how old you are exactly, but I think it matters that you're in your 20s.
A 23 and 35 year old, for example, are not in the same stage of life. In fact, our brains are not considered fully matured until But someone in their 30s and someone in their 40s are basically the same deal. As a woman in your 20s, you do have to watch out for guys who will be super into your age.
It sucks, but "getting" a younger woman has a lot of social currency for a certain type of man. It's very objectifying, it almost feels like being fetishized. If you're on dating websites long enough, you will get messages from men twice your age. So if you want to pursue this, make sure he is into YOU, not your youth.
Navigating a 10 Year Age Gap While Dating - love relationships agegap | Ask MetaFilter
As a woman in her 30s, I can tell you that "looking good on paper" is actually a HUGE red flag as well as a turnoff for me. I'd much rather be awed by someone's funny offhand joke or how they bring me a donut when they notice I'm in a bad mood or how they throw a buck in the subway mariachi performer's case, not their material, conspicuous successes.
That said, if you truly are into him, a date couldn't hurt. But I worry that because you seem so impressed with him, you feel he's "better" than you so you owe him a date despite your misgivings. I'll just add that his initial message may have some indicators in it. Does it show he read your profile? Does he reference shared interests? If it were me I'd probably also do this: Both men eventually became friends.
And there have been others along the journey. Don't plan a future based on an online connection. I suggest you show up for coffee and see what happens.
It's not the age he is and the age you are that matters. It's the ages you both act. You can't tell if you're going to click or hate it until you get to be around him a little. Knew someone with that lazy habit, and couldn't take it.
That system still probably works a lot better than giving strangers on the internet a few snippets of information and letting them decide if the relationship should move forward based on THEIR experiences and history with other people. Have fun, get to know him, you'll figure it out